Article by Sandra de Koning, professional coach & trainer
Introduction
This article gives you some tips on how to reduce stress and experience more fulfillment. Written in 2025, but applicable throughout the years and different life periods. Sources vary, I have just been collecting to serve your purpose 😊.
1. Change the wording
We tend to say “I am stressed”, “I am bored”, “I am overwhelmed” etc. Changing this into “I feel stressed”, “ I don’t experience fulfillment”, “I feel overwhelmed” makes all the difference. Rather than a ‘being’, you now have turned it into a situation and your responses and actions towards that situation. And now you can look at scenarios, alternatives and strategies to deal with that situation. You have control.
2. Feel overwhelmed? STOP!
When we feel stressed or overwhelmed, our emotions take over. We might experience strong negative emotions, about the situation, about others, about ourselves. In this state we cannot think rationally or make rational decisions. So first we need to calm down. This takes a few minutes. So STOP whatever you were doing, before making a bad decision.
3. Go outside
We know that spending time in nature is a life essential. This became very clear during the Covid-19 pandemic. Now being back ‘to normal’ it seems that we have forgotten this important lesson. When you feel stressed, your first priority is to go outside, take a stroll, ride your bike, work in your garden, go for a run. Whatever works for you to release your stress hormons and straighten your thoughts.
4. Be – do – have
We tend to focus on the outcome we wish for and then find a solution how to achieve that outcome. So we start from what we want to have, and then do things that help us achieve it. Although this might be a pretty succesful method, at the end it turns out to be a dead end. Then changing the order might help you to get out of the rabbit hole. First clarify who you are or want to be (authenticity), this gives input to your doing and activities. In the end your actions then will give the results.
5. Purpose – aim – goal
To feel more fulfillment, it helps to establish an alignment between your purpose, your aim and your goal. Your purpose is your reason to live, your intrinsic motivation, your answer to the question “why am I here?” As Nietzsche said: “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.” Clarification of your drives might shed a light here. Your purpose gives input to your aim, that is, your direction to take, your BHAG (Big Hairy Audacious Goal), your long term goal. To go towards that horizon, you then define more concrete and SMART goals on amedium term time scale.
6. Balance your social roles
Your social roles are the roles you take on and spend time in at this particular period of your life. Both work related and outside work. Examples outside work: a family member, sibling, parent, child, friend, sportsmate etc. At work: a colleague, project manager, entrepeneur, chair etc. All these social roles take time and will be competing for your time. By consciously choosing the most important social roles for you at this stage of your life and by creating a balance in work en non-work social roles you will be able to make different choices and achieve a more fulfilling balance.
7. Planning is a way to reduce unnecessary stress
In my time management training planning & scheduling is an essential topic. An often heard learning goal then is: ‘How to stick to the plan’. The misconception here is that the plan always needs to be executed. But that’s not the purpose of a plan. The real purpose of a plan is
- To help set priorities
- To keep track of changes
- To measure your progress
The plan will change inevitably, that’s part of life. Don’t beat yourself up.
8. Rest = productive
Especially for people who thrive on achieving results and output this might be a game changer. But research shows: being physically well improves self-control, productivity and resilience. Fatigue sabotages self-control, productivity and resilience. So if you feel tired: sleep! If you feel hungry: eat! Take regular breaks to renew your will power and take care of your health consciously and regularly.
9. Less = more
Use the Rule of Three in your daily life: maximize yourself to three goals monthly, three focus points weekly and three activities daily. No more. Plan less, do more. Create focus, structure and balance. STOP Multitasking! Make conscious choices and reflect at a daily, weekly and monthly basis on your progress.
10. Good = good enough
A challenge for perfectionists, but also an life saver: use the Pareto Principle, also known as the 80 / 20 rule. 80% of your result is achieved in 20% of the time, and thus the remaining 20% of your result takes 80% of the time. I call this the price of perfectionism. With a lot of things to do, practice with delivering an 80% quality (for now) on your tasks. I doesn’t make you a failure or a bad person, you just choose to change your standards to a more effective level.
That’s it for now. More will come!
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There are two ways to spread knowledge and wisdom:
be the source yourself or reflect the light of someone else.
Thus, learn from others and pass it on.